TsunFo Zeuz

• What is your personal definition of home?- What experiences have influenced/continue to influence and shape your understanding of home, belonging, and safety? Are there any core memories?
  
  

Home is a safe haven of feeling an internal warmth as well as a place of being able to disconnect from the rest of the world. Some core memories are just times where I felt an extreme sense of independence doing what I need to and intuitive to my own senses and self. At UC Davis, I just remember eating lunch in public on a table and thinking to myself, I am at peace with myself planning and preparing for my next class but also soaking in the sun and basking in its warmth. I was able to sit in peace and surround myself with the sounds of others, but I knew that I was already free and in my own world.

• Where are you currently based and/or where is your creative practice based?
  
  

I am currently based on Nisenan and/or Miwok land. This is also where my creative practice is (Sacramento, CA). I definitely consider this area a home and safe place sometimes. It’s a place of familiarity that I have spent my 20+ years of life in, and it is a place that I see myself coming back to in the future. At this moment in my life, I think it is time for me to also continue growing outside of my home. I’d like to think that a lot of growth happens beyond my hometown, and that is what I am needing. However, I want to come back to this familiarity in the future because it is a place of community, family, and friends. They are the ones who have created that home and safe space, and I only wish to return to it when I have found my own sense of self and deeper appreciation for home when I have left.

• What particular place(s) do you feel at home, deeply connected and safe at?

Honestly, sometimes, I don’t even see “home” as a physical space. It sometimes is the nature, people, and environment that I am surrounded by. One example to show this was that my friends and I were hanging out with her in a cramped apartment room in San Francisco for New Year’s weekend, and I felt the most at home. Yes, it was a bit tight, but it was the place where I could be myself in its most vulnerable visibility. It felt “vulnerable” to say the least. We were comfortable and sharing the space with one another. I felt like I belonged because I could be my full, unfiltered self and support the others there that I cared about. With them, it was a full weekend of tight-knit bonding with each other.

• What parts of your personal/family/collective histories help you feel grounded in (or disconnected to) your idea and understanding of home?- When/if you feel disconnected to your cultural community, where do you go and/or what do you do to feel safe and accepted?

Sometimes with family, it can make a huge difference with how large the family can be. As someone who has lost family members this past decade and in my younger years, I realize that I love to surround myself with people, no matter how frustrating it can be. My “physical home” used to be filled with 10+ people because it was multigenerational with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and my own immediate family. As folks grew older and have passed, it shrunk down to my smaller family of 4. I’ve come to learn and cherish the ones who are still here. I’ve seen this pattern repeat when I lived in a college townhouse of around 10 people to save money, but it was honestly nice to be surrounded by others. It was this realization that the physical presence brought a lot to what being home felt like and knowing that there was always someone else there tending to the home or simply even minding their own business. With this, I grew to understand that homes could be so lively, and it was the shared space that we cultivated to become so much more than a simple living space.

• What aspects of your identity do you feel most connected to?- What parts feel the most challenging to feel connected to and how does this impact your understanding of home and belonging?

From a core self, my cultural identities are what I am most connected to, and it is how I was able to build and expand upon when thinking of the idea of my own self and identity. Growing up, I constantly was looking for others who understood my own growth and upbringing, specifically the “Mien” identity. I knew that this specific ethnicity shaped a lot of my perception of the world, and I was simply seeking others who would even share a shred of that similarity.

Spirituality has always been difficult for me to grasp because it sometimes is such a complex way to deeply understand emotions and reliance on trust to others. My home and belonging required a lot of us to continue believing, but it’s hard to believe what you do not understand. For that, it was always a habit to continue to be told what to do and what to think, but it made it difficult to decipher my own sense of belonging to a faith and philosophical values of life.

• Time isn’t linear–spiritually speaking, we carry our ancestors and descendants with us everyday. How do you hope to contribute to the healing, growth, and transformation of your people’s collective understanding of home, place, and belonging? Through your art, how do you hope to help your ancestors and descendants find home and feel + know safety?

I want to spark open and continuous dialogue for growth and healing. There is a lot of fear when it comes to different identities and questions, but it’s an internal conversation that I have with myself sometimes. I hope that through my art, they are able to see my own growth and healing in a physical form. I want my ancestors and descendants alike to process that it is a continuous journey to have with yourself and with others to show my progress and that they are also on their own paths too. I want everyone to know that it may look different, but it is still very doable and can be done on how you want to shape your life and mentality.

• What role does art/creativity play in your life? Is this connected to your journey of belonging? If yes, how?
  
  

In my life, I typically am more creative with my words and less visually. I have a deep sense of instilled perfectionism that I am trying to address, and that then leads to procrastination and inability to do it fully because of the daunting task that I can see. However, through deep emotions and feelings, I am best able to express myself in its intensity. Through my journey of belonging, it comes from me simply being able to express through words or in creative forms because I know that for others, it can be bottled up. With this, my creativity flows in various forms and is shown through various outlets.

• What is one dream you have for your community?

For my community, I hope for them to continuously grow and heal. I believe that we are placed here for various reasons and whatever we are faced with, it is an experience for us to learn together. I am wanting an open space for us all to be able to be loved in our most authentic forms without fear of judgment or hate. For my community, there are many steps to be reached before getting to that place, but I know that we are truly capable of doing so.

• How has this project influenced your understanding of community, belonging, home and/or safety?

This project has reconnected to a community in which I was completely missing from. As someone who identified as an indigenous Southeast Asian, there was never a true “homeland” or “home country” to think back to. Land, itself, never really belonged to any of us, and it was that identity piece where I had to navigate that I had to create my own sense of community and belonging. I have to be the one that is resilient and ever adapting to the changes around me. It is never easy, but it is something that will keep me grounded and continuing on my own will.

• After this project, what's next? Is there anything on your horizon or forthcoming for you as an artist/storyteller?

As a storyteller, I hope to explore what spoken word looks like. Sometimes, there are moments of intense emotion that I can’t fully express but with words. It doesn’t want to come out as anger or frustration directed toward anyone specific but something out as a form of venting. I’m still practicing, experimenting, and developing my various forms of art. There will always be this fear and hesitation of sharing it with the world, but I think as I’m able to develop my skills and confidence to do so, it’s something that would be a major goal of mine to share.

• How can people learn more about you and keep up with your work?

I am still navigating my identity as what it means to be an “artist” and “creativity”. I realize that I do not want to be forced to create art because it leads to a sense of dislike later on, but I want it to come from a stronger self of pushing myself to do more. I understand that it does take a little push, but I want to be able to. I am open to connect, grow, and create art together. As for my work, that is a pathway that I navigate on my own before being able to show others.